Got a bit tired of work, ended a small side gig and finally found time to entertain myself.
Books
Le necromanchien by Matthias Aregui
I've spot this book at local book store and immediately think, that I want to read that.
And that is a really good read. Very sad, but good.
On this book, I've started commonplace book. Write few quotes, draw some ugly sketches. And decided to study, how other peoples make commonplace books. Found this one, flipper through few pages, and set aside for now.
But started another one, Pollyanna. Feels a bit weird for now, but we'll see.
Games
Tried continue my Dark Souls playtrough. And sensed anger almost at the start. I like the game, lore, mechanics, I just don't like that this games want you to play them as work. If you miss a day (or week), you will be penalized, just because you forget how to parry, or some shit.
At gamedev team we discussed old XComs, and I remembered having fun playing Phoenix Point few years ago. And now decided to try Xenonauts. And just feeling frustrated at the first ground battle. Aliens, that can one shot half of your squad across the map, and your squad what can't do shit, because there is a bush... It's a drop for now.
On this note, I've tried some more strategies from my library. I've really like Spear Song and Republic of Pirates. Oh, and Mudboorne. Man, I love frogs. Nevertheless, none of this games can take my attention for long. I will play them, later, I guess.
Oh, and I've tried to make jam entry to Decker jam. Got my old cozy game idea, created pretty barebones prototype, and dropped it. It's just too much of a hussle, to work comfortable in Decker. So, I filled my game design document with details and mechanics, and postponed this game for now.
Video
Gachiakuta is out! That's a blast. After watching first ep, I've decided to write this post, just to recommend this to some stranger on the internet. Drop anything and go watch Gachiakuta!
Finnaly, watched Gunnm. Very strange pacing, but overall I like it. OST from Gunnm was in inspiration list for Mahou Mayhem, game, that I develop now. Will definitely read manga.
Other
A great article, that I think about for a few weeks now. How your brain tricks you into not doing things. A good quote from article:
This is how standards are actually achieved… through process, not proclamation.
Found Analog Kitchen, youtube channel about making music on hardware. Cool grooves, interesting materials, watched a lot of it.
Also, I'm designing and 3d printing drip irrigation system for my plants. It is a cool little side project. It is a nice change of pace, from digital to physical world. I always found this fascinating, when you start questioning yourself about how things are invented and how smart people really are. This time, I've learned how tap works and created a minimal version, that will help my plants stay hydrated. Will test it out and push out on Printables.
Last year I got totally burned out from work. At the time, I just didn't have any power to even talk to people and do home chores. And then, I left my work. For two months, I just didn't do anything. Not even watching movies or playing games, just feeling miserable all day long. Thinking, how I ended up here. I've started some psychiatry and psychology treatment. I analyzed every thought, began journaling. Thinking about everything, I was grateful. And it helps a bit.
A little bit earlier, a side project was formed, that later will be known as Crazy Cats vs Crazy Cyborgs (buy it on Xbox, I will get some cents from that xdd). It was another (like tenth) attempt to form game development team and start living off that. There was Alex, game designer and artist, and me, doing everything else. Eventually, we even found a small publisher, who agreed to buy out our game.
After some rest, I was thinking "I can make my dreams come true and start making games" and picked back up side project. Oh boy... It felt like I was learning to walk again. Everything was feeling out of place. I've forced myself to work every 5 minutes. I was thinking, that working on personal project sensing the same, as other guy job. I didn't feel any creative spark. But, little by little, five minutes of work turned into ten, then into thirty, eventually into a hour, and then, I found myself feeling less bad about myself. Even inspired a little bit. I began to catch up some good things. I started to see others peoples work, there was a lot of talented people outside our social circle. I've picked up old hobbies, I've tried to draw and make music again. I was creating new projects ideas. And it feels great. I was feeling, that I can make the impossible.
Cat and some flowers, I've planted as my new relaxing hobby
But, after some time, money runs out. I was feeling too good, to let it slide, and start making debts. My decisions started to be more money oriented. Instead of "we can make it better", I've said "we should drop that feature and release faster". We've rushed one game, and then started the other, that later will take title "Frame Cat". It started to feel just as before. But still, I was having fun. I've written some music, coded some cool mechanics, written some game ideas for later. I've posted some screenshots on reddit and chatting with people (I'm huge introvert btw).
And other cat
But eventually, my debt crosses $10k mark. We can make games, we can even publish them, but we can't get our earnings for now, due to some political issues. And even if we can, it is not sustainable. We need to market somehow. Hire some people, who won't work for free. We take way too much time, to create a game, because we love games, and want to make them better. But for average 3 months game, team of two spend just on life, eat, and basic needs around $1000 per member. And we have families, too. For last 6 months, I've got $1000 in advance payments. Other part will be payed out in October, due to the same political issues. Maybe we can finish another game, what will get us another $1000 per member, but it is just too low... We've working basically for free, and even then, I'm thinking, that we have better conditions, than like 50% of other indie developers, who going indie and publish themselves, market games themselves, or doesn't have the connections.
I'm still love games, and I will make more of them, but current situation is depressing. I'm looking for work, but there are troubles, too. The existential dread is back again. I found myself asking "why i'm living, and what should i do". But I'm grateful for that creative spark. It is pretty cool journey, and it is not ended yet. I willing to try again and again. I will change my reaction to events and critique, I will try to be a better partner, I will try to make games faster, and teach other people how to do it. I know, that some people will support me, regardless of my success. I just don't want to be a burden for anyone.
Well, last game released too. It is an action platformer, inspired by Comix Zone (and it is hard for me to formally describe my games).
Basically, you play as a cat-wizard-tomb rider, who can shoot fireballs and steals magical artifacts. We were planning to make this more comics centered, like, player will have different issues, and each issue will contains different world and different abilities, but it is what it is. We underestimated the scope hardly, and released what we can manage to quickly make playable.
We've developed this game in 3 months, I think? A small team of 2, with passion can make huge things. I've made code for this game, music and sounds. Alex made gamedesign and art.
This is my first time as composer, though. And I pretty much liked it. I was inspired by Soichi Terada at the time and tried to make ps one light drum and bass tracks. It was hard! I remembered importing Ape Escape tracks in reaper and trying to disassemble them, to get grasp on structure, used sounds and notes for literally hours, but still missed the essence. But end result sounds fine, but not that I initially wanted.
Also, making sounds was a journey too. I've started from recording some stuff dropping on the table, keys ringing, guiro frog, and then pithcing this sounds and heavy eq'ing them. But it was too tiresome, and for later levels I've just generated sounds with simple oscillators in odin. Also, almost all sounds in music made with odin too. It is a great free synth, give it a try!
You can get it at:
And there is a link to youtube walkthrough. It is oversaturated, though.
Tools used: GameMaker, aseprite, reaper, odin synth. And thats it? I'm surely missing something...
A game, that I've developed a long time ago suddenly released! It is pretty basic shmup, but we put a lot of love in it. You can get it at stores:
We've made this game in 2021, as a side gig, and it turns to be pretty cool little game.
Also, it is feel good to watch people play you game and find all little details, that you put in your game. Link to youtube review.
Tools used: GameMaker, aseprite, sfxr (i don't remember, but i think it was sfxr) and a few scripts on python to make precise collision maps for environment.
Well, there is a new start. I hope to find some interesting peoples here, and maybe some friends...
Anyway, here is some info about me:
- I've worked as software developer for 10+ year, constantly changing areas of interest and gaining new knowledge every year.
- I'm passionate about games.
- I love taking photos and writing music.
- You can known me as Dino, UselessDinosaur, veloc1 or Pavel
- And I don't know what to write here.
Last year I left a company, and started new journey as indie game developer. In small team of two, we released Crazy Cats VS Crazy Cyborgs, Frame Cat (coming soon to consoles), and currently working on new game. That's a tough journey, I'm almost broke and has a big debt, but this is still a fun adventure.
I will post there some news about my games, maybe some tutorials, music(?). Anyway, feel free to explore this site, write we at guestbook, look at frog memes in moodboard and follow me on neocities.
Looking forward to meet cool peoples here!
